Hoarding – Secret Misery
No one answered when I knocked on the front door, which was slightly ajar. When I entered the house of my first hoarding client, I was hit by the stuffy air and bad smell. A thick dust covered everything, the papers were stacked and piled everywhere. The floor seemed to be made of dirt. On closer inspection, the carpet had turned to dust. Suddenly, from behind a messy pile on the kitchen table, a petite, perfectly coiffed old lady in a lavender sweater ensemble and pearl necklace stepped out…
What is hoarding? I am not a mental health professional so I cannot make a clinical diagnosis. But I can tell you what I have seen and what I think. I can also share with you my considered opinion of what causes it from the perspective of a person who sees hoarding on a regular basis, not from a tidy therapist’s office but from the real, low and very dirty places where hoarders live.
Hoarding is not the same as being lazy. Hoarding isn’t dirty dishes in the sink and a pile of unpaid bills or unread newspapers on the kitchen table. Hoarding is a condition in which the debris and materials collected by an individual become so large and unmanageable that it affects their relationships with others, their health, and their safety. The saddest part of hoarding is that the victim is often extremely resistant to any change and is willing to give up family, friends, and even her own well-being for the sake of her “stuff.”
Hoarding can be categorized into stages, and the National Chronic Disorganized Study Group has a website that will give you a rating scale of 1 to 5. You’ll also find a list of trained professionals who can help you.
The first two stages are really messy people. The mess is gross but not life threatening and you can probably still safely visit them and drink from their cups and use their toilets. After stage 2, check their beds. Hoarders, after stage 2, have accumulated so much trash in their beds that they sleep in a small part of the bed or sleep elsewhere to avoid moving their precious trash. Piles, boxes, and mounds of papers fill every space until there is only a narrow path left to walk. The exits are blocked. The bathtub is full of things and sometimes even the oven! He’s also talking about dirt: rodent droppings, pet feces, fleas, bad odors, spiders and cobwebs hanging like stalactites from the ceiling, carpets so dirty they rotted to dust, kitchen appliances not working, the toilet cannot be used, wiring a fire hazard. Closed windows and dirty, stagnant air. This is how Lavender Lady lived. How many Americans live like this? Hundreds of thousands. They are your neighbors who never let you through the front door. They are professionals, they dress impeccably and they live in secret misery. I’m sure my client’s neighbors had no idea how she lived.
What causes hoarding? No one has the exact answer, mental health professionals will tell you that hoarding is a mental illness caused by obsessive-compulsive disorder, often combined with depression. It can be inherited, learned, or triggered by loss. I see a disproportionate number of retired teachers (like my Lavender Lady) and other academics. Many older people succumb to hoarding. The lavender lady was 93 years old! My work tells me that people who have suffered a devastating loss (job, death of a loved one, health) can succumb to hoarding. Hoarders collect things that they perceive as abandoned, just like them. They want to give a new meaning and importance to these articles, even if it seems like garbage to us. Try to separate a hoarder from their stuff and you risk extreme anger directed at you and serious emotional and even physical harm to them. Their stuff makes them feel rich, needed, and safe. It gives meaning to their lives.
Here are some more symptoms of hoarding:
– Excessive Saving: paper, tissues, bottles, cans, newspapers, magazines, plastic bags, etc.
– Excessive Collection: boats, cars and broken appliances.
– Excessive Rescue: Cats, dogs, birds, other animals that often cannot be properly cared for, even if they have good intentions.
-Great Ideas: 1. Save the Planet. They store excess recyclable materials, but they can’t dispose of any of it. 2. A museum in his honor: all this material is so valuable and amazing that someone will appreciate it. 3. They want to help others. I had a client who was saving plastic bags for a postman who was no longer walking so well. She truly believed that he would return one day and would be so grateful that she had saved all those plastic bags just for him. 4. Help out a fellow teacher – They just “know” some teacher could use their stuff in their classrooms. Lavender Lady had piles of rocks in her kitchen (for art projects) and over 100 old bird’s nests stored in her garage.
Compulsive shopper: Many hoarders will compulsively buy items on television shopping channels. I had a client in a wheelchair who bought roller skates. This tendency can put them in real financial danger.
These are individuals who are lost, sad, lonely and feel worthless. They think that their things will make them happy and important. They create a job for themselves as caretakers and protectors of these things so that their own lives have meaning.
Hoarding, like any other compulsion or addiction, takes over the life of those who suffer from it and destroys the peace of mind of those who love it. Lavender Lady’s daughter had called me. The victim will often resist help when it is offered. Things mean more to them than any person or thing.
What do you do with an accumulator? Even professional organizers who are trained by the National Study Group on the Chronically Disorganized have a policy of not working with hoarders beyond class 3, unless the hoarder is in therapy and on medication. It’s too frustrating and a waste of time and money. Anti-anxiety medications are often prescribed. Be very careful of exposing yourself to toxins, germs, bugs, and disease when trying to “clean” a battery. Trained professionals wear masks, gloves, and often wear protective clothing.
Family and friends of hoarders often call me to “come over while the hoarder is on vacation or in the hospital” and get rid of all the junk. I can’t do that and neither should you. Removing their things without permission can cause severe psychological damage and/or physical collapse, stroke or worse. Do not take it away without your knowledge or permission. If they refuse help, the best you can offer is to make sure their living conditions are as clean and safe as possible.
Just know that things will turn into a messy mess again as soon as the hoarder can do another “dumpster dive” or visit a garage sale, shop, or eat packaged foods.
Can hoarders be cured? The jury is still out. It requires, first and foremost, the willingness to change along with professional therapy and medication. Progress is very slow and many years of therapy are needed. It often gets worse with age. Lavender Lady refused any help.
What can you do? Have patience and compassion for the accumulator. You can’t talk them out of their stuff. The best thing you can do is help them keep it under control so they are safe from injury, illness, and fire. Seek help from a therapist who specializes in obsessive-compulsive disorder. Try to put aside your own concerns as ultimately it has to be your decision to change. Contact Social Services if your safety is at stake.