My husband is trying to minimize their emotional affair by saying that they were just friends.
If you are dealing with a spouse that you suspect or know of having an emotional affair, it is very frustrating that you do not acknowledge or admit it. And the most typical or common denial you’ll hear is that the two were “just” close friends. A husband might say this as if she were just a friend he would watch or attend a sporting event with. And no matter how hard you try to make her see that having this type of relationship with another woman is wrong and inappropriate, she will often cling tightly to her “just friends” excuse.
A wife might say, “My husband doesn’t understand why I’m so upset about his emotional affair. Honestly, I feel as hurt as if I walked in and saw my husband in bed with the other woman. I didn’t.” t. Instead, I found all these emails and texts between them where they are discussing the most intimate details of their lives. My husband would tell him about the problems in our marriage. She would tell him what one of her sons did. They will complain. about their mothers and how they are not appreciated at work. Frankly, it’s almost like reading a conversation between two women. But in the end, one of them will sign how much they love each other. I have to admit that at no point in the correspondence do they make any indication of physical contact. There’s nothing like, “I can’t wait to get your hands on me,” or anything like that. But they clearly expect to see each one. and get together. And they clearly support each other and support each other emotionally. My h Husband obviously panicked when I found this correspondence. From the guilty look on his face and the way he flustered when I confronted him, it’s obvious that somewhere deep down, he knows he was wrong. He even asked me who I told. But when it comes down to it, he goes on to say that they’re just friends and it wasn’t an affair. He admits that he considers her best friends with her and says that she wishes he were a man. I told him that your wife is supposed to be your best friend and her response is that he feels like he can talk to her about anything because there is nothing romantic between them. He says it’s harmless. But that’s not how I feel. He says he shouldn’t worry me, but I’m VERY worried about it. How do I make him see that this was an affair and extremely inappropriate?”
Well, you have to understand that right now, he’s probably in denial. And he’s motivated by the desire to make you believe that he didn’t do anything terribly wrong. If he can make you believe that she is just a friend and that you don’t have a romantic rival, then the hope is that you can carry on as if nothing important has happened.
Ironically, he may well believe this. A lot of people actually believe that there hasn’t been an affair if there hasn’t been sex. What they don’t understand is that, very often, these “close friendships” lead to sex and lead to a marriage-threatening relationship. Most experts will tell you that when his emotional needs are met by someone other than his spouse, that’s a serious problem. And it’s an even bigger problem if the person meeting his emotional needs is a person of the opposite sex with whom he is spending time and energy that he would otherwise spend on his spouse.
Another big clue that something is wrong is when your spouse is interacting with this “close friend” in secret. Most of the time, the husband is not texting, emailing, or talking to this female “friend” right in front of his wife. Even if he tells himself that there is nothing inappropriate, he still communicates in private. Why? Because he knows his wife is going to be hurt and upset. In his heart, he knows that he is wrong and that he will have a lot of explaining to do if his wife discovers the full extent of the relationship.
Men usually don’t understand the full implications of this until they can distance themselves a bit. Initially, they are too close to him to see him for what he really is. Sometimes it takes a counselor to tell you that the relationship is inappropriate and to ask you to end the relationship or the intensity of it.
If he resists counseling, then you can try it on your own by telling him that she is not accusing him of lying about the relationship, but instead insists that it is still inappropriate because the emotional investment he was making with her was the emotional relationship. investment he should have been making with you. And you can emphasize that this makes you very uncomfortable and is negatively affecting your marriage and putting it at risk.
If he isn’t willing to alter the relationship, that will give you important information about how much he cares about her. Pointing this out to him may or may not be effective. And often he is emotionally attached and believes it is in his best interest not to see reality when it comes to her.
I wish I could tell you that a “just friends” relationship with another woman is nothing to worry about. But I get too much mail about physical matters that started on an emotional level. These relationships can be more difficult to overcome because there is now both a physical and emotional bond and he comes to believe that he depends on her on many different levels. That is why it is better to tackle him before he goes further and crosses any other lines.