Differences between the responses of men and women
The key difference between male and female responsiveness is that the male orgasm is necessary for reproduction. When a man is aroused, he has an erection, which makes penetration possible. The male orgasm triggers ejaculation, which transfers genetic material (sperm) from the man to the woman during vaginal intercourse. Men’s sexuality depends on interaction with another person, while women experience orgasm alone.
A man engages in sexual activity because he is sure of reaching orgasm. Men don’t need to know anything about a person they are attracted to. This is the biological impulse of men that comes from their own body. He has nothing to do with being in a relationship. So some men may use a prostitute as a sexual outlet. Men don’t get paid for sex as often as women, partly because the demand is lower. Also, men need to be turned on by a sexual opportunity, while women can have sex without getting turned on.
If someone suggested that a man should try some new and obscure activity to see if he could orgasm, he would almost certainly refuse. A man knows how he orgasms and there’s little point in trying something so different from what he already knows works. When someone suggests the same thing to a receptive woman, she feels the same way. If the stimulation works, then our instincts motivate us to try that form of stimulation. It happens naturally. The reason why other women try many orgasm suggestions is because they are trying to keep a lover happy or to get the good opinion of the society around them.
Men get aroused beyond their conscious control. Men have the benefit of both a biological arousal and the ability to be aroused by many triggers in their daily lives. Men are aware of their arousal and have a strong sense of wanting to resolve that arousal as an orgasm. Men get erect easily when aroused. Women have to make a much more conscious decision to get aroused enough to orgasm. Male fantasies focus on realistic sexual activity with a lover. Female fantasies can be unrealistic because there is no reproductive need for a woman to orgasm with a lover. A woman is much less aware of any physical arousal.
Men are much more flexible in terms of how and when they can orgasm: either alone through masturbation or with a lover through oral sex or intercourse. Men use a variety of positions for masturbation and sex. They can also orgasm from different forms of penile stimulation, such as oral, manual, and penetrative sex. Women can only reach orgasm through masturbation alone. During solo masturbation, the woman is much more limited in the position and type of stimulation that leads to orgasm.
One of the main differences between the way men and women respond in sexual scenarios is that being touched by a lover is emotionally and sexually significant to men. A man enjoys stimulating his penis when he is alone because he is aroused. But his pleasure with a lover is much greater because of his emotional acceptance of having his genitals touched by a lover. You can assume that a woman is turned on by seeing her penis erect. You may assume that a woman shares her pride in being able to get an erection.
A woman is not aroused by a lover’s genitals. Being touched by a lover is also not sexually significant for a woman, but there can be sensual and emotional pleasure. Getting a man to suck on your nipples can be embarrassing because of the parallels with breastfeeding a baby. Any manual manipulation of the glans clitoris can be painful or uncomfortable if it is not well lubricated. Cunnilingus provides very little sensation just like vaginal intercourse. A woman’s lack of arousal means that any stimulation from a lover has little effect.
A child’s masturbatory activities are a natural precursor to his adult sexual activity. During masturbation, he imagines a real world situation that he can later realize to some extent. His sexual drive focuses his mind on social activity with a real-world partner and penetrative sex that can be explained in reproductive terms. Even for gay men, his focus on anal sex is a clear parallel to the reproductive heterosexual act. All male sociable activity is focused on penile stimulation. Vaginal sex and coital activities, as well as fellatio, involve the use of the penis to penetrate a lover’s warm and lubricated (to varying degrees) body orifice.
A woman’s masturbatory activities are not related to social activity in the same way. They are quite independent because she does not experience a sexual drive to engage in social activities or become aroused by real world stimuli. Female masturbation is a very private and personal experience that a woman cannot explain in terms of reproductive activity. She may be disturbed by the nature of her erotic fantasies, which do not correlate with any emotional sensations she experiences when she is attracted to a lover.
The male becomes aroused by observing his potential sexual partner, since most females are not. (Alfredo Kinsey 1953)