Three Ways to Ease Prohibitive Conscience

If our key formative relationships featured manipulation, because it was an easy way to control us, we may have developed what might be called a prohibitive consciousness: a fear-based consciousness, operating out of guilt. Similarly, if we have encountered controlling people and have not been brought up in that way, such manipulation can be jarring.

From early childhood we are trained in the way we will go (Proverbs 22:6). If, as parents, we take care of the upbringing of our children with the aim of helping them build their moral store, and we provide a fair and loving environment for them to grow up in, our children will inevitably develop what Growing Kids God’s Way requires for a life positive or healthy. conscience On the other hand, if we grew up in a constant state of fear, usually in a relationship with one (or more) particular caregivers, we probably struggle with a prohibitive or unhealthy conscience. It’s not something inherently bad, it’s just a consequence of development when we weren’t instilled with a strong sense of true right and wrong, when ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ were unreliable and created fear in us by not knowing. How to behave. It’s not our fault, but there is something we can do about it.

Truth be told, we can develop this kind of prohibitive consciousness through traumatic situations that we encounter even as adults. In fact, a prohibitive conscience can be situational; can be triggered.

Is a prohibitive conscience a guilty conscience? A prohibitive conscience is not a guilty conscience, but it is a conscience that works from the platform of guilt and fear. A guilty conscience is situational, based on doing what we shouldn’t do or not doing what we should do and knowing it.

What creates a prohibitive conscience? Conditional love and conditional acceptance. When people intentionally make us feel guilty. And when punishment for behavior is decoupled from moral reasoning, so that consequences are decoupled from a reliable sense of what to do or not do. In any relationship, these states leave us feeling very insecure and emotionally compromised.

What can we do to alleviate prohibitive consciousness?

This is the most penetrating question of all. Like most things when it comes to therapy, similar rules apply.

1. Awareness is the crucial impetus for action. Coming to an awareness, and then an acceptance, we all find it empowering to get to work on self-improvement. Having come to an acceptance, part of the initial task is to truly understand why there is an inclination towards a prohibitive conscience. This inevitably involves packaging our relationships with our parents and those who have been key role models throughout our upbringing. If we know why, we are well positioned to do something proactive.
2. Focus then on the Son of God. Truly understanding what Jesus did for each of us on the cross and understanding the life that he brings us through forgiveness and resurrection, we begin to rebuild our identity, brick by brick, thought by thought, positive reflection by positive reflection. When we do what is right because we know it is right and loving, we reinforce this understanding as right and proper. How wonderful it is when we can praise ourselves when we do the right thing, while taking responsibility for what we could have done better, but without punishing ourselves for it.
3. Take control of our behavior. The third thing the Ezzos recommend, as part of the process of alleviating prohibitive consciousness, is to take control of the behavior that controls prohibitive consciousness. This is the opportunity to learn to respond from the higher mind, which does not react by emotion, in this case, guilt. The higher mind has learned to pause, reflect and act wisely. By committing to better manage our behavior, we apply the replacement principle of Philippians 4:8. All that is excellent and loving, we do these things. Us add love and do not simply remove the fear. We don’t do the right thing out of fear, we do it because we can, out of love. It’s such a subtle shift in our thinking. But, crucially important. We also learn not to question our decisions. We do an action out of love and do not think of anything else. And lastly, the book of Proverbs is a good place to reside for a while. I remember in 2007 I spent 18 months on Proverbs, one chapter each day, and was able to cover the entire book each month. We partake of that virtuous wisdom, slowly absorbing it, and it does its work in rebuilding our moral store. And we accept those relationships that we have where our best effort is not always the best.

Thanks to Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo,
Let the Children Come… Along the Virtuous Path: Growing Children God’s Way (Happy Valley, South Australia: Growing Families Australia, 2002), p. 95-98.