Why some people become more self-absorbed after a midlife crisis

You can almost mark the date because everything changed. The person you thought you knew became completely different and not for the better. It’s almost a cliché that with the midlife crisis comes the impractical sports car, the extramarital affair, nights out at the bars, new friends who are twenty years younger, more modern clothes, or a dramatic career change. Although you never thought it would happen to you or your spouse, you are in exactly that place. How did you get here?

Erik Erikson defines his seventh psychosocial stage as Generativity vs. Stagnation that occurs in the late thirties to mid-sixties. This period of time in adult life encompasses the midlife crisis years that can begin and end at any point in between. So what is a midlife crisis? It is when an adult assesses where they are in life compared to the dreams and goals they once had for themselves, to the status of others they wish to be more like, and to their potential to make their mark on the world around them. surrounds him.

The psychology. If you see how your contribution to your home, work, church, or community adds value to the lives around you, then you will develop generativity. Generativity is expressed in the concern to lead the next generation, in the desire to make a positive mark on the world around you, in making a difference in the lives of others, in the creative use of your gifts and talents in benefit of others, and in feeling successful regardless of financial status. If you don’t see how your contribution adds value, then you stagnate or get stuck.

Midlife crisis and generativity. Not all midlife crises have to end in disaster, some are actually for the better and can motivate you to live up to your potential. For example, maybe you’re in a profession you “fell into” mostly by accident, but find yourself dreaming of another career. This may be the time to go back to school and get the degree he’s always wanted so he can work in a profession he’s truly gifted for. Now, unlike twenty years ago, he has a better understanding of his abilities, talents, gifts, and purpose in life along with responsibilities, time constraints, and natural limitations. This combination allows you to focus more on reasonable goals that are not selfish in nature but add value to the lives around you rather than unrealistic dreams that are entirely self-directed.

Midlife crisis and stagnation. The other side of the midlife crisis coin is the possibility of becoming even more selfish and alienating others around you. This mid-life crisis is very different from the one mentioned above, yet it starts out exactly the same way. An evaluation of your life leads to an even greater desire to satisfy all the needs, wants, and desires that you have been putting off. To justify the behavior, you may find yourself saying, “I deserve it” or “I’ve given so much to others, it’s time to give myself” or “I’m tired of sacrificing myself for others.” This is a matter of the heart more than anything because if you truly give out of the desire to show love to another person, then no strings attached, including anticipation of thanks, appreciation, or return of the favor. In essence, you would not expect anything in return. However, if you give out of the desire for some kind of reward, be it verbal (a thank you), physical (touches, hugs, or sex), emotional (happy feelings or feelings of obligation), or mental (thinking nice things about you or needing return the favor), then the gift is selfish and manipulative. This is the seed from which a negative midlife crisis grows.

The cure. Since the basis of the mid-life crisis is the condition of your heart, there is no cure other than a complete change of heart. The best and most lasting change of heart is one that is totally dedicated and committed to Jesus Christ. He turned a murderer of Christians (Saul) into one of the greatest evangelists that ever lived (Paul, who wrote thirteen books in the Bible). He made a common fisherman (Peter who wrote two books in the Bible) the rock of the Christian church. And he made his half brother (James, who wrote a book in the Bible), who was not a believer until after the resurrection of Jesus, the leader of the Jerusalem church.

All of these changes have one thing in common; they were all adults who were on their life path that through a change of heart with an encounter with Jesus completely changed the course of their lives. Their lives then became a symbol of service to thousands of people during their lives and millions of people after their deaths. Speaking of generativity!