Orgasm is a response to stimuli of an erotic nature.
We can experience a sensation spike for various reasons. For example, someone might tickle our feet, knees, or under the armpit. We can get to a point where we’ve had enough and don’t want any more stimulation. Such a feeling is not an orgasm. First of all, the sexual organ is not involved, but neither is there any mental commitment to eroticism. The female orgasm is often assumed by a bystander just because the stimulation ceases.
Arousal is a psychological response that is triggered by the mind. Orgasm is a response to erotic stimuli of a psychological nature. These stimuli can be visual or imaginary but are explicit images or erotic concepts related to the genitalia and more typically penetrative sex. Orgasm can be reliably achieved because a person learns what erotic stimuli trigger orgasm.
Some women believe that they have an orgasm alone or with a lover, but without using any form of fantasy. They believe that it is possible to reach orgasm simply by using only physical stimulation. There’s a good reason why women might think this way. When they watch a man intending to orgasm, all they see is the physical stimulation involved. They have no idea what’s going on inside his head. Men need an erotic mental stimulus to reach orgasm.
The female orgasm is often defined in emotional terms. However, the implication is that women are capable of the same sexual response as men. We would expect true female orgasms to have features in common with the male experience. The male orgasm involves the sexual organ and excites. Orgasm involves genital secretions from the cervical and male glands, tumescence (increased blood flow throughout the body and sexual organ), rhythmic pelvic thrusts, muscle contractions, and an abrupt release of nervous energy.
The sensation of blood flowing to the genitals makes us instinctively place our hands on our sexual organ. We need a very specific stimulation of the sexual organ to reach orgasm combined with a focus on erotic stimuli. As children we learn that it is not socially acceptable to hold the hands near the genitals. Women take offense to any suggestion of genital arousal or stimulation because the male sexual drive causes men to pester women for sex.
A receptive woman may enjoy resting her hands on her vulva before going to sleep. She can also rest her hands on her vulva when she is relaxing on her own. There is no feeling of arousal or tumescence, just a feeling of comfort. She only does this in private due to the taboo on touching her snout in public (which is again offensive to women due to male sexual desire). Men may also enjoy resting a hand on her penis even when it is flaccid.
If men want women to be erotically positive or willing to engage in more adventurous sexual play, then so-called female orgasms that arise without women engaging in erotica of any kind won’t help much. It is the mind’s positive response to sexual scenarios that makes someone identify with eroticism. Our ability to respond to eroticism is what motivates us to engage in sexual activity. The pleasure of orgasm is the mental excitement that causes pelvic contractions.
Orgasm is an instinctive response. That means that even when we have no prior knowledge or experience of orgasm, we can still discover it. It has to be this way because otherwise the human race (and other animals) would not exist. We haven’t always had books or even word of mouth to tell us about sex and masturbation. But there is no instinct to buy a vibrator and use it to stimulate yourself. This is conscious behavior motivated by the advertising slogans of sex toy companies.
Sexual arousal occurs when the mind responds to erotic images or concepts. The mind then acts on the body producing observable evidence of arousal in the form of tumescence (increased blood flow to the genitals). A man is naturally motivated to explore a woman’s body because she turns him on. This means that even in the absence of any knowledge of intercourse, he would eventually find out. A woman has no motivation to explore a lover’s body because she is not aroused by the erotic stimuli of the real world.
Reproduction depends on women giving men the opportunity to have sex rather than concentrating on achieving their own orgasm. So sexual activity with a lover has a social rather than an erotic context for women. Only when a woman is alone can the much weaker sensations of female arousal cause a receptive woman to explore the responsiveness of her own body. Compared to the acute arousal of men, women feel much more diffuse sensations of mild arousal. However, these sensations, whether strong or weak, call our attention to the sexual organ. The female orgasm is based on the use of considerable concentration in fantasy.
Aspects of control and domination, as well as how a man can negotiate his own pleasure, are fundamental to arousal. We use BDSM (Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, Sadism & Masochism) for arousal because it involves revealing control of others (of doing something to another person). BDSM can be useful for arousal, but it does not cause orgasm. Much more explicit genital concepts are required for orgasm.
Most men…definitely get turned on by seeing things associated with sex, and most women aren’t that turned on. (Alfredo Kinsey 1948)