Mirror, mirror, what do I see?
“A loving person lives in a loving world. A hostile person lives in a hostile world. Everyone you meet is your mirror” – Ken Keys
Mirrors have a very particular function. They reflect the image in front of them. Just as a physical mirror serves as a vehicle for reflection, so do all the people in our lives.
When we see something beautiful like a flower garden, that garden serves as a reflection. In order to see the beauty in front of us, we must be able to see the beauty within ourselves. When we love someone, it is a reflection of loving ourselves. Many times we have heard things like “I love how I am when I’m with that person.” That simply translates to me being able to love myself when I love that other person. Often when we meet someone new, we feel like we click; Sometimes it’s like we’ve known each other for a long time. That feeling can come from sharing similarities, i.e. personality, background, history, character traits, etc. We are comfortable because part of ourselves is being reflected.
Just as the ‘mirror’ or another person can be a positive reflection, we are more likely to notice it when it has a negative connotation. For example, it’s easy to remember times when we’ve met someone we’re not particularly crazy about. We may have some criticism in our mind about the person. This is especially true when we meet someone we’d rather spend less time with, rather than more.
Often, when we don’t like the qualities of other people, ironically, it is usually the mirror that speaks to us. Example: Several years ago, I joined a friend who had also invited other friends. One woman, ‘Laura’, continually dominated the conversation. Every time someone tried to insert a thought or start a different thread, Laura always brought them back to her story. It was particularly upsetting because I felt there was little opportunity to get to know the other people because Laura constantly brought the focus back to herself. It wasn’t until several weeks later that I questioned and couldn’t understand why I was so upset about Laura’s behavior, since I didn’t have to be her friend or spend more time with her. Finally, she hits me! When I was REALLY honest with myself, I saw aspects of those same traits in myself. I realized that the reason we met was so that I would hold up the ‘mirror’ and see myself behaving unfavorably.
So I started questioning myself more every time I met someone I didn’t particularly like. Each time, I would ask myself “What is it that I don’t like about that person?” And then “Is there something similar in me?” In all cases, and sometimes I had to be very introspective, I could see a part of that quality in myself.
It means that just as I can get angry or upset when I notice that aspect in another person, I had better re-examine my qualities and consider making some changes. Even if I’m not willing to make a drastic change, I’m at least considering how I might modify some of the things I’m doing.
Sometimes we meet someone new and feel distant, disconnected, or grossed out. Although we do not want to believe it – and it is not easy or desirable to look beyond it – it can be a great learning lesson to find out what part of the person is being reflected in you. It’s just another way to create more self-awareness.
INVITATION TO EXPERIENCE:
As you meet people, see if you can figure out what part of you is mirrored. If you notice negative qualities, see if you’re willing to take a hard look at that part of yourself. It is an opportunity for you to make a change for the better. At first, it may seem like there is no connection. After some more introspection and giving it some time, you just might find out.